I walked up the winding path, through the gently blooming sakura trees, on a gently sloping hill just outside of Kyoto.  This was my third trip, a trip I normally planned sometime after the first days of spring.  This trip was different, though.  Not because I was a Senshi, though that was part of it.  I had other things to say to them.  And I had to know something as well.

There was a thin layer of snow on the ground from the final snowfall of the season that happened last night.  The sky was gloomy, and though I was sure that the weatherman said last night on the television said that it would be sunny, I was sure today he'd get an earful from his boss.  I just sighed and at the right spot, turned from the path onto the side of the hill.

I hugged myself with one of my arms, trying to bring my coat closer to me.  My free hand, carrying a small basket, hung freely at my side.  The clouds brought with it a chill to the air.  Damn the weather, I thought to myself, and continued onwards.  It wasn't much farther to go, anyways.

I stopped about fifteen or so meters from the path and turned, looking down.  I didn't really have to check myself; I knew I could do this blindfolded, but it's just one of those things, I guess.  I set down the basket and opened it up.  I was going to be here all day and I made sure to pack up some food, hot tea, and a blanket.  I took out the blanket and flipped it open, setting the basket upon it.  I knelt down and faced the two stones not five feet from me and bowed my head.

"Okaasan, Otoosan...I'm back."

Remembrance
by
b. b. brittain

A Sailor Moon AX Legends Fanfiction Story

The day before I was at the Hikawa Shrine, with all the Inner Senshi gathered in Rei's room.  We were still hit hard by the impact of Usagi leaving, only a couple of weeks ago.  I was still in a semi-daze when my eyes focused on Minako.

"I said, where are you going, Mako-chan?"

I had to wait a second to clear the fog from my head before muttering, "Oh...uh, Kyoto."

It wasn't that long ago, maybe a few months or so, after our final battle with Beryl.  About a month after that, we got our memories back, during a battle with a monster we'd later call a Cardian.  When we did, things went like before.  We got together, talked about this and that, fought a few more Cardians, and went home for our usual four hours of sleep.  But...I knew it was in the back of all our minds...that we all died, and that we got our memories erased.  And that for a time...we didn't know who we truly were.

Everyone was still looking at me, so I smiled a little and added, "It's just something I have to do.  It'll only take a day to get straightened out.  Ami-chan, can you tell Haruna-sensei that I won't be in class tomorrow?"

Ami looked up towards me and frowned a little.  "You know, you shouldn't miss school...think about your grades!"  I swear, you could see the sweatdrops around everyone's heads.

Minako turned from Ami to look at me, worry in her voice.  "Are you sure you're going to be okay, Mako-chan?  If you want, we can all help you--"

Oh Zeus, I didn't want that, I thought.  They were my closest friends, but...I just couldn't think of them being there for this.  My eyes went wide, as I said a bit too loudly, "No!"  My cheeks started to heat up like a furnace, especially when they looked at me weirdly.  I just smiled back, and continued on, "Gomen...I mean, no, Mina-chan.  It's okay, really.  It's something I've got to do on my own, you know?"

I noticed Rei nodding slowly, and she said, "Well, just remember to keep your communicator ready, just in case you need us, okay?  There's daimons still out there."

I nodded; I knew there were some daimons still floating around, but I didn't think I'd run into them in Kyoto.  The talk turned somewhere else, but I missed whatever they said.  My mind just blanked out, and I'm sure my eyes got one of those faraway looks.  It was a bit later when we broke for the night, and I was trailing everyone else.  Rei put a hand on my shoulder, and I turned around.

I knew she was looking at me funny all through the meeting, and it'd make sense once she talked to me after the meeting.  After a few moments of empty air, Rei simply said, "Face up to the confrontation, Mako-chan.  And don't be afraid of what you need to do."

I looked at her closely for a few moments.  Did she know what I was going to do?  My jaw dropped, and all I could do was look at her with a goofy look on my face.  "What...how do you...?" I blurted out.

Rei just gave me one of those weak smiles of hers and shrugged.  "I saw it in my reading this morning.  You were going to come to a point where, you need to make hard decisions.  I don't know about what, but...just remember to face up to them, and stay strong.  I'm guessing tomorrow is when this will happen, so...good luck.  Ja ne."

All I could do was nod, and looked on as Rei walked back up the steps to her room.  I turned and made my way down the shrine steps, towards my maison.

It was getting nippy, so I pulled out my thermos.  As I poured some of the still-hot tea into the cup, I sighed happily, the wisps of air bringing a little color back to my cheeks.  I put away the thermos and let the warmth of the cup heat my hands.  After a few moments, I started to talk to them.

"I don't know where to start, really.  This past year...my whole life!  They both went from being crazy, to making a whole lot of sense, you know?  Well, either that or the other way around...."  I smiled a little and gazed at the tombstones, imagining my parents' faces in front of them.

"I'm sure you'd love my new friends though," I said, looking down into my lap.  "I never knew I could have friends like that.  People I care for and be with, and who mean so much to me...especially after you two died.  It seems so long ago, since you two left me...how long?  Three years now?"

I took a sip of the tea, letting it fill my insides, before rambling on.  "I can still remember the day...why did you have to leave on that day...?"

"Mako-chan, we'll be back before you know it!"  Okaasan said softly, giving me a tight hug.  I looked up at her with a big smile.  I never knew what a great thing it was to have people taller than me, until I grew five inches two years ago.

"Do I get to see you take off in the plane, Okaasan?" I asked, bouncing up and down.

Otoosan nodded, as he walked down the stairs of our maison.  "Hai.  Suna-chan will be at the airport, and once we board, she'll take you to watch us take off."

He set down the bags next to the front door, and walked over to me.  "Now, while we're gone, you listen to Suna-chan.  If she tells you something, it's like we're telling you something, since she'll be taking care of you while we're gone, okay?"

I frowned a little bit.  I hated her.  I really did.  "But she's a mean babysitter.  I don't think she likes me."

Okaasan smiled a bit, and took my hand.  "Of course she likes you.  Besides, it will only be a few days.  As soon as we finish our business in Hong Kong, we'll be back, and we'll go to the countryside.  Okay?"

I brightened up at that and nodded.  She knew I loved the countryside a lot.  All she had to say was "countryside", and it was like I was wired on sugar.  "Hai!" I almost screamed.

We left towards the airport and I looked out the window.  It was still raining hard, so I sat down in my seat and listened to Okaasan and Otoosan speak in the front seats of the car.  They were talking about the weather, and something about important deals.  I remembered it was just confusing talk, so I just enjoyed the ride.

We arrived at the airport, and went through all the stuff you had to do to board the plane.  As we reached the boarding gate, Suna-chan was waiting for us by the gate.  She waved at us, and we walked over.  I hated her, I really did.

Okaasan gave Suna-chan a hug, and said, "Thank you for watching over her, Suna-chan.  I'm sorry it was on such short notice -- the flight was the only one we could get."

Suna-chan nodded and smiled.  "Oh, it's okay.  I'm sure that Mako-chan and I will get along fine.  It's only for a few days, and Mako-chan will have a good time, right?" she said, looking down to me and smiling.  I hated that smile, it was...just too kawaii for me.

I just smiled a little and nodded.  "Hai...."  I looked back up to my parents and asked, "Will you buy me something while you're there?  Pleeeeease?"  Of course, I had to top the sugar levels with my own kawaii voice.

Otoosan chuckled, and kneeled down next to me.  "Of course we will.  Just be good, and don't give Suna-chan any problems, okay?"  I nodded.  One day, I'll find out what made her so likable to my parents, because she never fooled me.

"Flight 5320, non-stop service to Hong Kong, is now boarding.  Please have your tickets ready as you enter the gate.  This is your final call," said the loudspeaker.

Okaasan and Otoosan looked up and picked up their bags.  I ran up to them to hug them both as tight as I could.  "Please come back soon!" I said, tears starting to water my eyes.

"We will, Mako-chan.  We will," Okaasan said softly, bending down and hugging me, and wiping away a stray tear.  "Be good now."

Otoosan hugged me next, as Okaasan started towards the gate.  "Remember, we love you very much, Mako-chan.  We'll see you in a few days, okay?" he said, and with a wave, the two disappeared in the crowd of people boarding the plane.

Suna-chan took my hand and said to me, "You want to see them take off?"  I bobbed my head and wiped the tears starting to flow with my sleeve.  We walked over to the giant glass windows that looked out to the runways.

It took the longest time, but I figure now it was only about 10 minutes or so.  At any rate, the plane pulled out from the gates and slowly started to move down the tarmac.  I giggled in spite of myself, as I saw the plane slowly make it's way to the runway, the pouring rain outside coming down like mad.  The plane made it's way to the end of the runway and turned, before stopping a moment.

My heart beat faster, as it started to pick up speed again down the runway.  I knew they couldn't see but I waved just the same, and as the plane sped past me, it rose into the air....

I shook my head violently, the tears already starting to well up in my eyes.  I wasn't going to cry.  I promised I wouldn't, the last time I was here.  And damned if I was going to break that promise.

"Anyways," I managed to say, "you were there...I don't need to go through that.  Living through it was enough."

I decided to take another sip of my tea...and found out it was cold.  I looked down at my watch, and to my surprise it was an hour since I first started to talk about that day.  Boy... memories like that really--

I sipped the tea cold, and set down the cup.  The wind was picking up just a little, so I just hugged myself and looked back at them.

"Anyways...new topic.  What should I...oh yeah.  Being a Senshi...."  I thought a moment, to try and put it into words.  "There's two sides of it, I think.  On one side, I've felt that I've always had it, and that it's never left me.  And it's stronger, being with...the others."  I had to bite my tongue.  I did smile though and continued on.  "With them...I think I could face anything."

Breaking for a few minutes, I took a few deep breaths.  I slowly went on, saying softly, "The other side is, well, it feels like...for so long, it was hidden from me.  For fourteen years, I didn't know about it!  If I did, maybe...maybe I could have helped you two, and--" a shiver went down my back, and I had to wait a few minutes before getting out, "--I just...just wish I knew about it before I finally remembered again."

"S-so...getting back to my friends.  There's Ami-chan, to start."  I reached down to pull out a sandwich from the basket.  As I unwrapped it and started into it, I continued.  "I think you'd like her a lot, Otoosan.  She's really good in school, and wants to become a doctor.  I know I'm not that good at school, but she helps me and the others in keeping our minds focused during our study sessions."  I had to blush as I added in, "But I guess we do slip a bit...it's not her fault though, you know?"

I nibbled on my sandwich a bit, before going on.  "She's a strong person, but not like me.  It's inside; her mind, her calmness.  I could never be like that.  I'm usually the one who charges in, and don't think things out all that well.  But her...hai.  You'd like her a lot, Otoosan."

It was getting a bit uncomfortable, so I shifted on the blanket, sitting cross-legged towards them.  "Yeah, Ami-chan definitely helped us in the past couple of weeks, after...gah."  The winds finally died down, so I picked up my cup.  I drank the rest with a sigh, feeling the cold liquid in my stomach and wishing it was warm.  I put down the sandwich and reached for my thermos, to fill up my cup.  I picked up my tea and sandwich once more and sat there, alternating between the sandwich and the tea and just overall brooding about what to say next.  I glanced at the tombstones, seeing the images of my parents look at me, waiting patiently for whatever I had to say next.

"Mmm...then there's Rei.  You wouldn't believe the temper she has sometimes -- remember the time I accidentally broke the crystal figurine on the coffee table that time, Okaasan?  You were so mad...I think that's Rei about half the time."  I almost giggled at that, and continued on.  "And there's no one she's worse with, than with U--"  I bit down on my tongue hard, shaking my head at the stupid mistake.  Shimatta...

"But..." I said, after taking a few minutes to calm my nerves.  "But, she does mean well.  Impatience isn't really wrong, it's just the vulgar way of saying someone's too eager...isn't that what you used to say, Okaasan?  I guess that holds true for her.  But really, there's more to her than that.

"She isn't the short-fused, cranky person that she seems to be, once you get to know her.  She's...too eager, to make it a point that she cares.  She's the one that will give you inspiration, when things seem to be at their worst.  I think that's her in one word: Inspiration."  A small smile slipped onto my lips.  Just like yesterday, I thought.  She knew somehow I was coming to meet my parents.  She knew that, and she gave me her thumbs up, in her own way. 

"Lastly, there's Minako.  I think she's most like you, Okaasan.  She looks for the love and beauty in all things."  I thought for a few seconds, and added in, "Especially boys."  Another small smile popped out.  "Well, that's actually something that she and I have in common.  But, really...she's the person that throws herself into anything she does.  She does it with love, with compassion...it's who she is.

"If you could see her move, see her act, and just her overall way of doing things...I mean, sure -- she's a ditz sometimes.  But she doesn't let that get in the way of what she believes in, and if it's needed to be done for the good of whatever she's doing, then she'll do it.  If anything, she's been the one with their head on straight the most, since...uh...yeah."  I fumbled about, and decided to stuff my face with the sandwich until I could get my train of thought back on the tracks.

"And then there's...there's me.  Not little anymore, am I...."  I looked down at myself, thinking of how much I've grown in the past three years.  "Remember all those times in the kitchen, Okaasan?  I wanted to help so much...I practically stripped your apron off at least a dozen times, tugging on it so hard.  Well, I didn't disappoint you.  People love my cooking.  I was thinking, maybe one day, I could open up my own restaurant.  Well, that is...."  No...this wasn't going as good as I wanted.  I had to tell them everything.

Biting my lip, I closed my eyes and calmed myself.  When I opened my eyes, set down my food and said, "I guess I should stop stalling, neh?  Where should I really start?  Maybe with this...."  I reached behind my back, and rummaged through LunaSpace for the pen I knew was there.  I grabbed it and pulled it out, holding it in both hands for them to see.

"This...is my henshin pen.  With it, I transform into something I wasn't before, but yet...I was, so long ago...."  I glanced around for a few moments, making sure I was alone.  It wouldn't hurt, would it?  I didn't think it would, so I slowly stood and held my pen up into the air.  Five simple words.  That's all it took.

"Jupiter Star Power, make up!"

As the power started to spin around me, it felt just like the first time I transformed; like every time I transformed.  It was like every part of my body was on fire.  It was like making my first soufflé, but a hundred times more thrilling.  I'd almost say it was like...well, you know.  But I never been with anyone like that, so I'd have to guess it was like that, but...more.

I closed my eyes as the beams of light swirled around and around, my clothes going to wherever they went and being replaced by my fuku.  I could feel the tiara slide onto my forehead, and the lightning crackle all about me...it was heaven on earth, if only for a few seconds.

The lights disappeared and I opened my eyes.  I sat down again, looking up at the tombstones.  "I'm Sera Jyupitaa, champion of my planet, and part of the Sera Senshi."  The images sat there, silently.  "It's definitely weird, isn't it?  A long time ago, I lived as part of the royal court of the moon, sworn to protect the...the Princess...from the Dark Kingdom.  If I didn't live through it, I know I couldn't believe it."

I looked down into my lap for a few moments to think.  "You...you're my parents, but yet...I know that a long time ago, I had another set of parents.  Probably a lot like you, Okaasan, Otoosan.  But different, too.  Thinking about it a lot makes me a little dizzy, but...somehow it happened.  And now...I protect...protect...the people from whatever other forces are out to destroy the Earth...."  Damn it...tell them!  "I also protect...protected...U-usagi...the princess."

My eyes drifted, looking at the food I was eating before.  I definitely wasn't hungry right now.  These visits were always so hard, and I always spent most of the night before going over what I wanted to say to them, what happened since I visited last.  But most of the time, I could never say what I wanted to, or it always came out funny.  But I can't today.  I can't.

I closed my eyes as I went on.  "The adventures we had since I first became Sera Jyupitaa...you wouldn't believe the monsters that we had to face.  We just finished up with Ann and Ail's Cardians.  And the generals of the Dark Kingdom, they were the hardest.  But we always came out on top.  Until...until...."

I suddenly felt warm tea splash on my leg.  I opened my eyes and saw my fists tightened into balls, my knuckles white.  I looked over and saw the cup of tea spilled over the blanket, my fuku blotted.  I was shaking from head to toe, and I noticed I was breathing quicker and quicker.  I forced myself to calm down, taking a few breaths while I shifted over to get out of the wet spot on the blanket.  I think it was around ten minutes before my nerves let me say something again, but it felt more like an eternity.

"I d-died...was k-killed somewhere in Greenland...."  I looked up at the tombstones.  "B-but...y-you were there...everything was d-dark, and suddenly the both of you w-were there...w-weren't you?"

I looked on blankly before I continued.  "W-why didn't you say anything...a-are you ashamed of me?"  My lap looked more interesting than them at the moment, so I looked down, my sight starting to fog up.  "I just don't understand...so many things...I came back to life, U-Usagi made sure of it...b-but...."

I sighed and looked up to them again.  "Why couldn't she bring you back too, Okaasan, Otoosan?  We could be a family again...instead of feeling so alone...."  Suddenly, I felt something burn inside of me.  It started in my stomach and worked it's way up.  The next thing I knew, a memory sparked, and as my mind replayed it, I know I said quietly two words.

"That...bitch...."

I knew something was wrong, when I got to school that day.  Usagi didn't show up.  Oh sure, I thought at one point it was just ditziness gone on overdrive; her oversleeping to the Nth degree.  I guess Haruna-sensei figured she wasn't coming either, because she didn't even call her name out for attendance.  But then it got strange.  Naru of all people asked me how Rei was doing.  Naru only knew Rei in passing, but she kept gushing about Rei like she would normally be with...well, Usagi.  Then when Ami and me got together at lunch, our communicators beeped.  It seemed that Rei was the one who put out the all-call, when we pulled our communicators out and turned them on.  When I saw her face, I just knew what was going to come up.

"Minna...we need to meet.  After school.  Is your place okay, Haruka, Michiru?"

I saw the other two Senshi nod.  "If it's about what I think it is, of course," Michiru said.  For some reason, Setsuna wasn't listening in.  I mean, sure...the Outers were Senshi too, but they always had this aura of arrogance about them.  They were friends...but sort of not friends too, sometimes.  It was like they thought they were always above us.  It was frustrating, even in the best of times.

About four hours later, me and the rest arrived at the Outers' maison.  Everyone was there, except Rei, Luna, Artemis...and, of course, Setsuna.  Figured.  Ami and I were comparing notes with the other Inners, waiting for Rei to show up with her announcement.  Mamoru was going to ask something, when Rei was let in by Haruka.

Rei looked like she went through a blender.  Her hair was thrown to the four winds, and her eyes were baggy and reddened.  As she walked in -- she almost flopped in really -- she fumbled with her hands.  I was so concerned with Rei, I almost didn't notice both Artemis and Luna follow her in, both of them looking whiter than Artemis' fur.

"Minna...." she said, her voice hollow, about as hollow as her gaze out to us.  "I...I found this in my bedroom this morning.  I almost didn't notice it, but--"  A hand slipped into her pocket, and she pulled out what seemed to be a locket.  It was a locket.  Usagi's locket.

"When I saw it, I...I did a reading.  She's gone...U-usagi's gone...."

At least half of us started to open our mouths, but Mamoru beat us to the punch.  "Gone...?  What do you mean, gone?"

Luna answered for Rei, who was already walking towards a chair to collapse.  "Usagi wasn't at home when I woke up this morning.  Stranger still, her room wasn't her room when I woke up.  It was some kind of office.  I...I went over to Rei's as soon as I could.  She, Artemis,  and I spent today piecing together what happened."

Artemis continued from there.  "While I was searching for breakfast, I happened to catch Luna running towards the shrine and decided to catch up with her.  When she relayed the story, I knew something was up.  Rei, Luna, and I came up with this:

"Sometime last night, Usagi used the Ginzuishou.  She cast a masking spell so that she wouldn't be found out by either Rei or Setsuna.  That also means we can't trace her, wherever she went to.  The second thing she did was to wipe out all memories of her existence here, from her parents down to her friends in school.  As far as anyone knows, Tsukino Usagi doesn't exist -- never existed.  I'm frankly surprised that we still know about Usagi...."

As I looked around, everyone had some sort of shocked look on their faces.  Even the Outers...the first time they showed any sort of emotion for one of the Inners, and it had to be now.  Figured.  But Setsuna wasn't here...where could she be?

Ami picked up on my mental vibes I guess, because she asked, "What about Setsuna?  Couldn't she help in locating Usagi?"

I caught some movement in the corner of my eye, so I turned and saw Setsuna standing by the balcony.  She glanced around as everyone turned towards her.  Of course, we were used to her just popping in like that, but the look on her face was priceless.  She was actually sad, more so than the other Outers.  And maybe something else, too.

She said quietly after she got our attention, "The Ginzuishou is blocking any attempts I have made to find her.  As soon as I felt something wrong, I started to put up counter-measures.  That might be why we still remember Usagi, Artemis.  Demo...demo," she closed her eyes for a moment before opening them and talking again, "the thread that is our future is being altered."

I blinked.  Bells and whistles just flew around everywhere in my head.  Usagi's gone and Setsuna's almost frightened, not that she'd show it but it almost seemed that way...it must have been a good five minutes before someone said anything.  Well, she didn't say something really, Rei just started sobbing.

Ami rushed over to hug Rei, and both of them started to cry.  Minako shook her head and moved towards the cats.  Mamoru was a blur of emotions.  One minute he was ready to punch through the wall, the next calm and trying a lot not to scream out Usagi's name.  In the end, he just leaned against the wall, and slumped down onto the floor.  Michiru and Haruka started to talk to themselves, but by the low tones and their bowed heads, it wasn't your everyday "How was your day?" type of talk.  Michiru actually looked like she lost her violin, if that was any clue.  I glanced towards Hotaru, who was walking over to Setsuna.  Setsuna was trying to be like her normal stone cold self, but you could still see that glimmer of defeat in her eyes.  Hotaru was asking questions and looking as though she just lost her best friend.  If you think about it, she did....

Numb and quiet as I was, when I turned towards Luna, my eyes started to water.  I never knew how they did it, but Luna and Artemis could always work emotions into their faces, that cats shouldn't have been able to.  When I saw the look she had in her eyes, in her face...it felt like something in my heart echoed that same look.  I thought of what Luna would do without Usagi, and then I thought of Usagi, and the tears started to flow down my face like a waterfall....

"She had no right...no right at all to run away--none at all!" I said, my voice growing louder.  "We've all had it tough, but for her to throw in the towel like that, and on top of that make us feel this way...I CAN'T STAND IT!!"

I stood up, quick as a whip.  I knew my anger was already past the boiling point, and if it was one of those subconscious things or not, the skies followed along.  A gust of wind ripped across my face, and thunder started to rumble all around.  But I didn't care a bit, because I was staring at the skies, and I needed to let loose.

"You had everything, EVERYTHING!  A family, friends, and a future to look forward to!  I don't even have a family anymore, and I'm still here!  You were supposed to be the gods-damned queen, and you couldn't take it!  ZAKKENAYO!!"

Again, maybe it was one of those subconscious things, but I held up my hands in anger.  The thunder came a moment later, but the lightning flew towards me like I had a target on my head.  Being the lightning tosser of the Senshi had a few perks though, as I wasn't fried like a tempura.  The lightning just gathered together in my hands, sparing the landscape from being turned into a pothole, though the slight bleeding from the charge in my hands left a nice black mark in the center of the blanket.  It must've been a sight from down below though, a girl standing in front of some graves, balancing a ball of lightning with her hands.  If I hadn't been in my fuku, I'd have been one very naked girl standing in front of those graves at that moment.

I started to see red, for really the first time in my life.  Sure I was mad when we all went to Greenland.  Sure I was pissed when the Cardian shredded Shinozaki.  But I was angrier than a daimon missing Halloween, when the whole aspect of Usagi's leaving came down on me that afternoon.  She didn't leave, or run away, or anything in my eyes...she abandoned us.  Just like my parents.  I guess you could say that my parents had an excuse, but damned if Usagi didn't.  Maybe it wasn't the wisest of moves, to come up here with the same feelings popping out between Usagi and my parents.  But then again, I didn't care.

The ball started to pulse, and if my hands weren't protected by my gloves, I knew I'd be feeling rather bad tinglings right about then.  So with an overhand toss, I threw the ball of lightning into one of the trees of the row of graves above us.  The tree exploded, the branches catching fire and the trunk splitting into two.  I knew in that small part of my brain I was going to hate myself for doing that to a tree tomorrow, but I didn't care at the moment.  That only vented some of my anger.

I was breathing rather hard by then, and it took me a bit to slow it down a notch.  I was glaring at the remains of the tree, wanting to start blasting things from here to Tokyo, my fists tightened into balls in front of me.  I had half a mind to just start swinging into the air, when I felt a drop on my hand.  Another drop, then another.  I looked up slowly, but I didn't see any rain.  I looked down to my slowly opening hands, and sure enough another drop fell.  It was then I realized, as my softly felt my cheeks, I was crying.

I just slumped to the ground.  I didn't know what to do anymore.  All my thoughts and emotions were getting tossed to the four winds courtesy of a miniature Oak Evolution in my head, and I knew I was just sobbing like a baby.  My throat was going raw and I kept calling out for Okaasan and Otoosan.  It wasn't a pretty sight.

I glanced up to them, though the tears.  They looked sad.  It was then when I thought my mind shut down, and...they...they started to say something....

"O-otoosan...?  I d-don't understand!" I called out.  It was so hard to hear them.  It was like my ears were full of cotton.  They were clear as day to me, in front of the tombstones, but their words just didn't make sense, sounding more like the wind ripping through a combination of windchimes and leaves.

"D-demo...she ran out on us...l-like...like you did on me...you said you'd be back!"

The hill seemed silent, except for the biting wind cutting across the landscape.

"O-okaasan, you told me n-never to run away from r-responsibility...why...w-why this, why now?"

The flames slowly died down from the tree up above.

"I...I d-don't want to...I-I'm in so much pain...p-please make it go away...."

Thunder wracked the area, as bolts started to fly towards the ground, all around.

"I...I c-can't...f-forgive...I--"

My sobs were the only sounds left.

"Y-you w-weren't there though...demo...h-hai...I remember...."

It was a few days before Usagi left, and about a week after Chibi-Usa left for the future.  The snow fell softly that day, and all I was thinking in school that day was to come back home, curl up in a blanket, and watch a movie before doing my homework.  Just as I was about to pop in the tape, I heard a knock at the door.

"Yeah, what'cha need?"  So I was a little grouchy when I opened the door.  I didn't know that Usagi would be on the other side, looking like she was about to cry.  "Daijobu, Usagi-chan?" I asked, looking concerned a split second later.

Usagi sniffled once and ran towards me, giving me one of the tightest hugs I ever had.  As she was bawling her eyes out, I pulled her in and closed the door.  I pulled her gently towards the couch, and set her down, still in the death grip she called a hug.

"Why are you crying, Usagi-chan?" I asked, knowing it sounded strained.

"Oh, gomen, Mako-chan," she said, and loosened the hug.  It took a moment for her to calm down a little before she added, "I was going to go to the arcade...I was wanting to play that new game that they had...and then I saw...saw...."  She started to lose it again.

"Nani--what did you see?" I asked, wishing Ami were here too.  She'd be able to help Usagi better than me.

"I thought I saw...C-chibi-Usa...."  With that, she started into another of her sobs.  It's interesting, but she always amazed me that she had two really different kinds of sobs.  The "all-purpose" type that covered most anything and everything, and the one for moments like this.  The ones like now were the most scary, because you could feel whatever she was feeling, down to your bones.  It wasn't enough that we all cared for Chibi-Usa; the vibes I got from Usagi at that moment made me want to break down and cry too.  But I had to be strong for Usagi, so I held back the fog in my eyes and put my arms about her.

"Usagi-chan, she only left for a while.  You'll see her again soon, and she'll bug you like she always does, neh?"

"N-no...she's gone!  And i-it's all my fault!!  She's g-gone...g-gone,"  She kept repeating it, as her sobs were turned up a notch.  Oh man, I thought, she's really lost it.  I was thinking right then and there to call Ami up when Usagi looked up to me, clearing her eyes with a sleeve.

She stopped sobbing, which was the first strange thing.  The second thing was, she had the weirdest look in her eyes.  I didn't know what to make of it, but I just smiled to her and asked, "Hai, Usagi-chan?"

"Promise me something?  And don't let anyone else know about it?"  Her voice was unusually clear for someone who was sobbing their heart out, a few moments ago.

I blinked at that.  First off, she flip-flopped too quickly.  I may not be a genius at stuff like this, but I knew that wasn't normal.  The second thing was, we never really held secrets before, at least from the other Senshi.  Okay, so maybe we did at times from the Outers, but it isn't anything serious.  And the Inners are like sisters; more really.  So her asking to keep things from them should have tipped me off.  Should have.  "Of course, Usagi-chan.  Anything."

Usagi, with her worry plastered on her face, looked down at her lap.  She said in the softest voice possible, "Forgive me?"

I blinked again.  Forgive her for what?  She wasn't making any sense whatsoever, but she was so out of it a few minutes ago, what else could I say?  "Of course, Usagi-chan.  I forgive you."

She hugged me again, saying over my shoulder, "Arigatou, Mako-chan...arigatou...."  This time, she sounded relieved, almost as if I was mad at her for some reason.  Couldn't she see I was just really worried?

She broke the hug and sighed softly.  "I think I'd better go...I'll talk to you tomorrow, okay Mako-chan?"  She stood and I followed, both of us going to the door.

I opened the door and smiled to her.  "Take care on the way home.  Remember, we're here for you if you need us, Usagi-chan.  Okay?"

She smiled weakly.  "Hai.  Ja ne."  With that, she stepped out into the snow and started for her home.  I looked on as she went down the stairs and started down the street.  It was a few minutes before I closed the door, but when I did I sighed and leaned back against it.  My mind was on replay, trying to figure out why she was acting so weird.

And why did she want me to forgive her....

I sniffled, my memory of that day finally making better sense.  My guess was, she decided to take off, just after Chibi-Usa left.  And she knew that without her here, Chibi-Usa would never be born.  Oh Zeus...no wonder she was freaking out so much.

I looked up at the tombstones.  "How did you know?" I asked.  The images looked back, patiently, quietly.  I shook my head and tried to straighten myself up a bit.  I knew it was getting late, by how the skies were getting dark.  I knew I didn't have much more time left.  "Okaasan, Otoosan, how can I be true to my promise?  She hurt us deeply...."

I shook my head and started to put the remnants of my food into the basket.  "She was telling us...me something, when she came over that day.  I just wish I had known what."  As everything was put away except for the blanket, I stopped and sat down on the blanket.

As I started to say something, a light made me close my eyes for a second.  I squinted and turned, to see the sun breaking through the clouds, starting to make it's way down into a sunset.  I sighed softly, gazing at the sight, before turning back to them.

"We need to move on, don't we...."  The images started to smile a little.  "Ami-chan is strong, she can help us through the rough times.  I think Rei-chan's starting to get back her fire, no pun intended on that.  Mina-chan's been as much of a rock as things've let her, but she's gonna have trouble in keeping the team together.  I don't think anyone of us wants the team to split, but it's just with Usagi leaving, things have been so lax."

I took a deep breath and looked back towards the sunset.  "The Outers'll survive.  Maybe they weren't so close to Usagi, but at least they're missing her just the same.  That's a good sign.  And then the cats, Luna and Artemis.  Who could for...forget them...."  I bit my lip and turned back to them.

"Artemis might be fine, but Luna...oh Zeus, I think we all overlooked her.  Artemis is Mina-chan's cat, but Luna was Usagi's...." I shook my head.  I knew I saw that look in Luna's eyes before, when Rei told us the news...it was the same look in my eyes when I heard my parents died.  How could I be so stupid, how could I be so...so--

"Okaasan, Otoosan, I've got to get going...I think I know a way to keep my promise!"  I leaped off the blanket, and tossed it in the basket.  I made sure everything was all neat and proper before standing to turn towards them.  With a gesture, the fuku disappeared, only to have my old clothes on my body again.  It was always different when I reverted back to normal.  A feeling of loss, like something slipping through my fingers.  But it was only a brief thing; it wasn't like I couldn't change back later on.  When that was done, I bent down and picked up the basket, turning to look at them one more time.

"I'll see you next year okay?  Arigatou, Okaasan, Otoosan. You don't know how much you've helped me this year."  I walked over and put my index and middle finger together to kiss them, placing a kiss on both their tombstones.  "I love you both, so very much.  Ja ne."  With that, I bowed to them and took off as fast as I could to the train station.  Behind me, the sun was fading into the horizon.

The ride back wasn't so bad, but the waiting was.  I really needed to get this done.  It seemed right.  It seemed I should have done this when Usagi left.  But my mind was just as badly messed up as everyone else's.  But as I broke into a sprint towards Minako's house, I knew this was the right thing to do.

Luna was staying at Minako's house for the time being.  She couldn't stay at the Tsukino house, what with them not even remembering Usagi anymore.  Minako decided that night when talking to Artemis and Luna, that Luna should stay with her.  It seemed like an okay plan, but I didn't notice something I should have.  Something that I could fix.

I got to the door and rang the doorbell.  It took a few minutes, but I could hear Minako racing down the steps calling out that she'd get it.  I grinned and waited.  "Mako-chan, what are you doing here?  I thought you were in Kyoto?" she said, after opening the door.

"I just got back.  I need to talk to Luna for a few minutes."

"Luna...?  Oh sure, let me go get her.  Say, how are you feeling?  You seemed out of it yesterday.  We were all worried."

I smiled, maybe the first really good smile of the day.  "I'm doing pretty good.  But hopefully after talking to Luna, I'll feel even better."

Minako smiled herself.  "I'm glad then.  Okay, I'll be just a second!"  She turned and raced up the stairs, as I stood outside.  It was a few minutes when Minako came back, with Luna in her arms.

Oh wow, I thought, as I saw Luna.  She was positively in the dumps.  She meowed up to me as I waved to her.  Minako set her down and looked to me.  "Did you need me too?" she asked.

I shook my head.  "No, but--"  I leaned over and whispered something to Minako.  As I pulled away, her eyes slowly went wide.  "Are you sure?"

I smiled happily and nodded.  "Never been more sure, Mina-chan.  So, give me about 10 minutes, daijo?"

She nodded, as a smile popped onto her lips too.  She closed the door and I sat down on the porch, looking at Luna.  "How've you been doing, Luna?"

Luna gave a shrug only a cat could give.  She didn't look at me, she just stared into space.  "As well as can be expected, Mako-chan.  What made you so eager to talk to me?"

I folded up my hands and put them in my lap.  "I wanted to ask you something.  But first, what do you know about my parents?"

Luna blinked, looking directly at me.  "I...um...that they died some years ago.  But I never wanted to press the issue to ask more."

I nodded slowly.  "Yeah, three years ago today, in fact."

Luna seemed to frown as she said softly, "Gomen...we all wondered why you went to Kyoto on such sort notice like that."

"It's okay.  Keep it under your hat though, okay?  So...as I was there, it got me to thinking.  About them, about Usagi...about you."

"About me?  What do I have to do with it?"

I turned away from Luna, and closed my eyes.  "I remember after my parents died, Luna.  I was shuffled off from distant relative to distant relative.  I didn't even know how they were related sometimes.  But in the end, I was sent to an orphanage.  It wasn't until about a year after my parents died, that I was told that my parents left me a lot of money.  Then I saw my relatives finally give a damn, so I made a break for it.  I grabbed the money and left Kyoto.  I grabbed an apartment here in Juuban and the rest you know."

Luna lay back down and sighed.  "Gomen, Mako-chan...."

I opened my eyes and looked back to Luna.  "Luna, I know you don't feel so great in living here.  Am I right?"

"Mina-chan and Artemis aren't bad...but I guess you're right, it just isn't the same, since...."  She looked back out into the street and sighed again.

I nodded.  "Because it reminds you how you and Usagi were.  I had the same feeling, when all the relatives I lived with had families, and I felt like a fifth wheel."

She looked back up to me.  "Then what do you think I should do?"

I smiled happily.  "Come stay with me.  I've got plenty of room, and you won't be a fifth wheel, as far as I'm concerned."

Luna looked at me uncertainly.  "I don't know, Mako-chan...."

My smile faded a bit, as I looked at her seriously.  "Luna...I know what it's like losing someone; two, in fact.  I know what you're going through, with Usagi gone.  The loneliness, wishing they'd come back, wondering how they could leave you like this...I want to help, Luna.  Like someone never helped me.  I never felt right until I met up with all you guys, and I don't want you to go through what I went through, for as long as I went through.  I think we could be helpful for each other, y'know?"

Luna opened her mouth a few times, before sputtering out, "I...I don't know what to say, Mako-chan...."

A voice from behind us said, "Do it, Luna!"  We both turned to see Minako smiling happily, holding out a backpack.  Artemis was by her feet, smiling as only a cat could smile.  "Most of her things are in there, Mako-chan.  That should tide you over until you get to the store, okay?"

I nodded, taking the backpack.  Turning to Luna who still looked on the verge of shock, I asked, "So what's it going to be, Luna?"

She looked between the three of us and finally looked to Artemis.  "Artemis?"

He nodded and said softly, "Go with her, Luna.  I know how bad things have been lately for you.  I know that it will help you greatly."

I slung the backpack over my shoulders, and looked to Luna.  "Well?"

Luna turned and leaped into my arms.  "Let's go," she said, a little bit of happiness and relief in the tone.

I grinned and switched her to one of my arms, picking up my basket with the other.  I turned to Minako and Artemis.  "Arigato, guys.  I'll...er, we'll see you tomorrow, neh?"

They both nodded and went back into the house, as I turned towards the street.  I started to walk on the road towards my maison and looked down at Luna.  "What do you say to a tuna casserole tonight?  I haven't made one of those in ages."

Luna started to smile and said, "That'd be great.  Arigatou, Mako-chan."

I nodded and looked down the darkened streets, the sun already past the horizon.  "Sure thing, Luna.  I think we're gonna have a fun time together.  Just you wait."

The skies were clear now, and I saw the moon overhead.  I smiled wanly and nodded to myself.  I remembered, and now I was going to help the others forgive.